A decade + 182 days later

So if you have been reading this blog for a while, you may remember this post here I have written a while back. It’s a part of my backstory, certain things that happened to me a little bit over 10 years ago. If you haven’t read this yet, please do so now if you like.

So today, something pretty curious happened. I am playing EVE like I have been for the last few weeks now. Suddenly my landline rings with a Sri Lanka prefix. I however know no one on that island just off the coast off India. Out of curiosity I answered the phone. Initially I thought it was from Germany, because the prefix is 0049. However, the prefix on the display was 0094.

Either way, I answered the phone: “Yes Marcus speaking?”. My biological mother responds. Wants to know if this is me.

I was stunned. Silent. I did not know what to say or do. Shocked enough, to simply hang up. But then it occurred to me that maybe something really bad might have happened. You never know. So I called back to find out.

“Yes this is Marcus here – is anything important up?”
“Yeah this is your mom, just wanted to see how you are and wanted to hear your voice.”
“Well… uhm, I do not want to”
“But… but why? *sigh*”
“I have my reasons… I don’t wanna talk about it. I gonna hang up now”

Which I did.

You might tell me that I could have at least listened to what she had to say. Maybe she had come to reason. Or the people who did this thing over ten years ago. Maybe. Maybe not. I don’t know… and frankly, I don’t care.

When I went there some months ago, I had hopes that in a goddamn decade (a time in which Earth makes ten rounds around the sun yo) they would have thought about it. They would have had a reasonable answer, even if I wouldn’t have liked it. But I expected honesty. ‘We did this because of boom, boom and boom’. Or something. But to say ‘I don’t know’ after 10 years simply just doesn’t cut it for me. Really. Would it for you?

I basically closed the door to that life 10 years ago. The day I left. June 6th, 1998. And as you know, some doors are better left closed. Calling me does not help the situation.

In these situations, you have split-seconds to decide – are you gonna talk, or not? What will be the consequence? I decided not to talk.

Yes, I know it hurt her. I know she’s probably crying right now as I type. You know what? That is what she deserves. Sit in your little living room, and cry. Understand. Come to terms that I ain’t no comin’ back. I sincerely, honestly hope this 1-minute-phone call will haunt you for rest of your life.

I am a good person. I am trying to spread joy among people, I am trying to be more than I am or was all the time. I am trying to help people, to make them feel better, to cease their suffering. You, yes YOU, did all the opposites of these things to me, now you call me… WHY goddamnit? Why you try to upset me STILL?! Have you not understood what I’m trying to tell you?!

Let me live in peace. Let me live my life. I have seen so much more already at 26 than you will ever have in your, I don’t even know, 50’s? Or 60’s? I worked for the biggest companies in the world, make some good money.

All I ask is that you leave me in peace. Please do not upset me again. I want to leave this door closed. I want to leave this Shadow Of Memories behind. Forever.